Letters

My dear Jil, you need to be careful about mounting pressure on a guy to marry you. Once a guy starts saying, “You’re too good for me”… “I am unworthy of your love”… “I believe you’ll be happier without me”… It’s a civil way of saying I want to break with you. Sometimes it’s, “I am going through a lot right now”… Or “Things are quite difficult for me right now and I don’t want you to suffer with me”… These are not good signs. They’re polite rejections. If you persist the guy will cut off, not reply your texts, or calls, or mails. What he’s saying is, “Didn’t you get the message?”

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Maturity

My dear Jack, learn to say those two words, “I’m sorry.” When you’re wrong simply say, “I’m sorry.” Don’t try to give reasons for what you did. If you hurt your partner just say “I’m sorry.” And don’t try and sweep things under the carpet. People do that. They do that by trying to be nice instead of addressing the issue. You know you did wrong, address the issue, apologise, and ask for forgiveness. The more hurt you inflict the more you need to apologise, until the hurt is gone. Show remorse. You have to learn to treat people well. If you keep treating people anyhow you will create a lot of pain and hurt in your wake. Continue reading →

Functioning Dysfunction

My dear Jil, from the content of your mail I think there are two major things you need to focus on: ambience and attractiveness. If you get those two things right your marriage should be okay. Let me break them down.

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Being Authentic

Dear Jack, can you deliver this letter to Jil?

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She Doesn’t Fancy Me

Dear Jil, can you deliver this letter to Jack?

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Glorious Domination

Dear Jack, we’ve spoken about this before. It takes a certain level of discipline and focus to succeed. Success requires self-discipline. You get out of that bed in the morning, even if your eyes are bleary, your head muffled with the substance of sleeplessness… You’ve got to have unfaltering hope, refuse to give in to despair. You need stubborn hope to succeed. When that hope is shaken and you feel like crying and giving up, you readjust yourself and determine to face life. Everyone goes through that patch.

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He’s Abusive

My dear Jil, I’m so sorry for the state of your marriage. It’s rather unfortunate that things have turned out this way. It’s one of those mistakes in life, and you already acknowledged you made a huge mistake. You made a mistake marrying him. And now it’s become an abusive relationship. He’s taken to battering you. That takes the issue to another level entirely.

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Broke Guy!

My dear Jack, here’s the challenge I have. I think you’re over-reaching yourself trying to date this millionaire lady. You hardly have a kobo in your pocket! You’re a struggling young man, how are you going to date a millionaire? You’ll prove totally inadequate in your endeavour. It’s another thing however if SHE decides to date you. The equation changes. But the workability of such a scenario is a debate proposition. In such a union you will have to subject your manhood to constant interrogation. It will be a recurrent challenge. You’re way out of your league.

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It’s Not A Game

My dear Jil, I think a relationship loses something when there are so many calculations involved. I think it loses sincerity. The relationship becomes very much like a politician governing by opinion polls. Before he does anything he checks the polls. You can’t provide courageous leadership depending on poll numbers. That of course is not saying government should be insensitive. But courage in leadership entails doing what’s right not reading the tea leaves of popular opinion. The people soon come around when what is right is done.

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Can’t hear, Can’t See!

My dear Jack, you don’t want to be deaf and blind in marriage. That’s a terrible state. If you’re blind in marriage you won’t see what’s happening around you. You won’t see pain, you won’t see frowns, you won’t see laughter, and you won’t see anger. And if you’re deaf in marriage you won’t listen to advice, neither will you listen to yearnings. In other words, if you’re deaf and blind in your marriage you lose visual and tonal sensitivity. Continue reading →

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