My dear Jil, do you know Elizabeth Moss? You probably know her as Peggy, Peggy Olson in the Mad Men drama series. In the series she’s the former secretary who ended up as advertising executive, breaking the glass ceiling for women. She made one major mistake – had a child for a married man, eventually giving up the child for adoption. But she didn’t allow the mistake to define her. She somehow pulled through. Continue reading
My dear Jil, there are relationships that can’t be however you try. Everything will seem so perfect, seem so right and yet for some reason the relationship just can’t be. It’s something like the way magnets repel each other. You push and push but they surreally just can’t come together. Continue reading
My dear Jil, when heads clash in a relationship, the heart can’t mesh, and that’s the problem you’ve been having in your relationship. There’s stubborn willfulness on both sides, more especially yours. So even though both of you are individually wonderful, there is a clash of personalities and clash of wills. Continue reading
My dear Jil, there are texts you shouldn’t read, in fact there are people whose text messages you shouldn’t open. If you know someone doesn’t like you or hates you, why read texts from such! You do yourself harm by opening texts from those who hate you. Continue reading
My dear Jil, the chemistry you want in your marriage doesn’t come cheap. It takes effort. There are two phases of a relationship. There’s the attraction phase and there’s the maintenance phase. The adrenalin in the attraction phase constitutes a magnetic quantity that keeps a relationship cemented. But that phase will come to an end at some point. Then begins the maintenance phase and thence people struggle. Relationships need refreshment and they need maintenance. Continue reading
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Lagos. Lagos is the commercial nerve centre of Nigeria. When people talk about Lagos they tend to imagine a continuous landmass stretching for miles unend. But that’s false geography. Lagos is not a stretch of landmass. It’s more like Venice. Continue reading
My dear Jil, thank you for your last mail. It gave me more insight about your person. I know the scars from the past are still there and the past seems to have left an indelible memory. The scars have made you tentative, afraid, sad at times, unsure. They put a shroud of mourning on the beauty of your spirit. But you have a lovely spirit, such simplicity and grace. But who’d ever have known! You’ve cried so much in the past few days and no one will believe you’re even emotional. Continue reading
It’s amazing, but what usually defines a relationship is just one event, only one. There’s an ultimacy to such events, an invisible ultimacy. Life is full of such ultimatenesses. Men are different from women in decision-making. Men rationalize their decision, seek justification for choice AFTER the event. Whereas for women, justification is BEFORE the event. Everything is settled based on that. Continue reading
My dear Jil, this is what I’ve been trying to warn you about, and I wish you’d listened to me. In much the same way I tell Jack to understand women, you also have to understand men. It does make sense to try and understand the gender you’re going to marry. You need to know how men reason. It will make your relationship easier. You’d know what to do and what not to do, what to say and what not to say. Continue reading
My dear Jil, does faith or religion matter in a relationship? Well, I get this question regularly. In asking me this question, I suspect you’ve met a charming guy whose only disqualification for you is his faith. If we seek to answer your question from the proprietary perspective of each faith, we’ll get ensnared in relativism. So, let’s take a common sense approach to your question. Hopefully we can derive some wisdom. Continue reading